just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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