I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
