; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
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had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
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I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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