I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
