so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
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who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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