I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
