You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
