I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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