if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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