he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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