Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
