I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up under a house in Key West
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