Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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