dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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