if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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