You're completely useless in the revolution.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
