There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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