having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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