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• (440): View more from Ohio

  do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  you should probably use water

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i dont have any

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.

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• (818): View more from California

  why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  Fair enough.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.

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• (848): View more from New Jersey

  Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't

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• (716): View more from New York

  ....even the bartender was embarrassed for her

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