I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
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Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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