Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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