the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
