who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
