My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I am spending my child support on dildos
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
