last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
4 words: hood of his car
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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