so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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