I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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