had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
