I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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