get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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