Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The power of my boobs compel you
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
