Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
