i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
