yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
