at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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