The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize