She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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