nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
