ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
