i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
