Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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