Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
