His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
