I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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