There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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