The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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