My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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