he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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