So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
