There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
