remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
