i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
