My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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