He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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