Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
