She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
