im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
