The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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