I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
