He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
