I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
