Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
