Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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