Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The adults are the big ones right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
