Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
